02 - Hypnotic Tool

When I set the car keys back down and decided to come off f*****yl, it occurred to me that if I were going to kill myself, it should only be after everyone had abandoned me, I was out of money, and first and foremost, I was off of fe*****yl.

Since I had money in the bank and friends, it seemed to me that there remained more options for getting out of the pain, aside from finally just ending it. Right then I decided that I would try pretty much anything that even sounded plausible. I had already been getting massages for years on my own funding, and they did help! Why not try it all and die alive and penniless rather than wealthy and in pain?

Heck, as an engineer with a PhD, I *should* have been trying all the treatments. Right? So I took that as an approach, and eventually, I found my cure. I realized then and now how incredibly fortunate I am to have the earning power to make that decision, particularly in 2021 America. I know most people are not in this situation, and this is why this podcast exists.

In this episode, my therapist and I discuss a hypnotic pain control tool that he developed for me. This tool was not immediately useful for pain control, but it quickly became one of the strongest tools I had to help endure the pain. The process of developing the tool opened my thinking on the purpose of my pain and was a major step on my road to recovery.

I want to thank David Renouf, who is now retired, for likely extending my life by several years and counting.